Cruising

I was driving to the airport to pick up a friend last week, one that just officially joined staff. I decided to try out the cruise control on my new car. So there I was cruising up I-5, all I had to do was turn the wheel with the curves in the road, avoid things (like other cars), which meant that occasionally I had to tap the brakes, but then all I had to do was push a button and the car would maintain it’s speed. Then it hit me, I am on cruise control in my life!!!!! I actually started thinking about how all the people that have come on staff here in the last year are so alive, passionate, thinking they are going to change the world. Then I got smug, “I was like that at first too”, but now I know the truth, that the daily grind wears on you, “they will figure it out too”, I found myself thinking. RED FLAG: What! I am in missions; I am called to change the world that is why I am here. WOW something is very wrong. I have lost it, the passion, the belief that God wants to use me, that I can make a difference in the world, yet this is what I am basing my entire life on, no wonder I am tired and worn out, and feel like everything has been wrong, BECAUSE IT HAS. Fast forward, then I realized that I often have these moments of “oh I get it” they seem huge, but I never actually follow though and apply it to my life, mostly because I do not know how too, or do not want to make the effort too. It is a big deal, if I actually take these thoughts back to God and ask Him to work them into my life, which happens on occasion. He is faithful, and usually, gently, He does. So there is something that I want to work on, God help me, to begin to incorporate these awe inspiring thoughts, into my life. I am sure if I did, my life would not be the same and neither would the world be, therefore, my life would be making a difference in the world, ha, the very thing I long for, significance, to make a difference. Fast forward a few days now; I went to church, the topic; Spiritual Identity Theft: Satan’s 3 schemes of this are 1) I have to Provide for myself 2) I have to Prove myself and 3) I need to Pleasure myself (the pastor had to stick with P’s) but what he really meant was I want to have it all!!!!! Ouch, I have all 3 operating in my life right now. Since I feel like God has not provided for me in the past, causing me to go into debt, I now have to prove myself responsible, by providing for myself, and there are something’s that I want (got to have it all) that He has not given me so I will get them myself. OUCH!!! Then I thought of one of those little Christianese slogans we throw around a lot, “Pray as if it all depends on God, and live as if it all depends on me” The message is a good one, trust God to do His part, but I also have to do my part. Side note there are a lot of little sayings that we use in the Christian world, and sometimes I think we just throw them around, without thinking, just like it is really easy to just sing the words to worship songs, without really knowing what you are saying. Anyways back to my point, this saying, WOW, it is another thing that I need God’s help actually living out in my life. Right now I have the “live as if it all depends on me” part down really well, but I have forgotten the “pray like it all depends on Him” part. Now I am seeing results, based just upon the “me” part, and yes an epiphany moment, how much more would it be if I was praying like it all depended on God!!!! Now there is an explosive combination. Think about it. WOW, I really want to try this out and see what results. So I need to get off cruise control, it is time to take back control of the wheel, I need to begin to live out the things that I think about (this is a big one, God help me), and I need to begin to pray like it all depends on Him, while I continue to live like it all depends on me, which means I need to make more time to be with God on a regular basis. If I do these things I think the passion will come back, and I will get my identity back too. Now the actual application of this in my life will prove to be far more difficult than simply writing the thoughts I had about it all.