Wasted

I have not been coping in the healthiest of ways, I have made bad choices, as a result I have wasted a lot of time, a lot of energy, and a lot of money. It has not all been bad, but I have been severely unproductive for months now. My life has consisted mostly of working and sleeping, with little time for friends, or people in general. Recently I have been hating people, and irrationally pissed off, at people, things, life, the world. I am tired of feeling this way, I do not like who I have become, I don’t like the way I feel, and have decided that it is time to make some better choices, and start living a healthier life in general. I know that I will not be perfect all the time. Some of the last few months have helped me embrace parts of me, parts that needed to be embraced, but some of them need to be let go of. I have isolated myself, and now I need to let people back in. I let go, I tried to trust again, I tried to hope, I tried to believe in the human race again, I have only been disappointed, but somehow I am trying to find the strength to hope, to trust, and believe again.

I was actually productive a couple days ago, it really helped that it has warmed up, and the sun has even come out, I have spring fever, which is good, it has helped in my motivation. I don’t have certain people around to distract me, and I am not working as much to consume my time and make me tired.

Back in the day when I started this blog, it was meant to be an update of what was happening in my life and ministry, but since ministry has been put on hold, for now, maybe indefinitely, that is why it has fallen pretty much silent, because there has not been much interesting to write about, mostly me just wanting to write, or complain, or to express the few small joys that have come my way. That is something that I am working on, trying to find and see more of the joys that come daily.