Finally My break has come

Finally the thing that has hung over my head for years, stressed me out, strained me, held me back, the thing that I have worked my ass off for, given up life on, it is finally in reach, it is attainable, I can see its end in sight. I gave up my passion, the things I loved, because doing the thing I loved, was hard, it was stressful, I was not happy. I choose to live life, I choose to make my own way for awhile, but there was an element of responsibility. I wanted to pay off my debt, I wanted to not have to worry about money. While I was working my ass off, I lost hope, I lost all the dreams, I lost sight, of everything, I coped in all the wrong ways, but it helped me get through this last very tough place in my life. In the process I have run away, I cut everyone off, I have done things I am not proud of, but finally it seems, just like magic, there is an end in sight. It was just over two years ago, that I moved back to Oregon from Hawaii, where I had one of the most amazing and challenging times of my life, but had decided that it was time to have some different priorities in life. Rather than following my heart and dreams, I was going to focus on getting my finances in order. So I found a job, that quickly became the center of my life, before I knew it, I was working two jobs, and the pillar, the only dependable person at one of these jobs. Making money was the only thing that was on my mind, working on average 50+ hours a week. It was a lot to handle, I choose to cope in all the wrong ways, but I was having fun. Yet deep, deep, deep inside of me was a shred of hope that some how, some day this would come to an end, this end all based on paying off my debt. After almost two years of working stupid amounts of hours, my debt is almost paid off!!!! It is so close that I can taste it, it is doable, it is attainable. At the same time an opportunity arises, friends of mine, have been trying to get a hold of me for months. They want me to come and work for them. Finally we connect with each other, the job sounds great, I get excited, I pay for a plane ticket to go see them, check things out, and while it is not something I see myself doing forever, I do see it as an opportunity that will be a stepping stone to things that I love, a way back to the things I love, the things I know I am suppose to be doing. So I am moving to California in a month to be a camp nurse, yea that is right, California, to be a camp nurse!!! My credit card is almost paid off, I will still be getting paid, free room and board, 6 miles from the beach, living in the woods, sunny and warm most of the time, who could ask for anything more. It is magical how all of this is happening. To be honest I never really thought that it would happen, especially not like this, but that would be the good and faithful God that I have been hiding from these last long months, He has been looking out for me, watching over me, and planning this all along. Nobody wants to see me go, but everyone knows that it is what is the best for me. I am excited about this, a little nervous about getting everything done, and getting there all on my own, and making sure that I have everything I need in the beginning, but I know, I trust that everything is going to be okay. I am worried for my roommates, whom I have not lived with for a couple months now, I am just paying the bills there, but I know that if this is God’s plan for me, then He has a plan for them. This is something I need, something I need to do for me, it is hard for some to understand, but I know for me it is the best thing for me. I am hoping that with this change, that this blog will come alive again, as I will feel like I am living for a purpose again. Finally the break that I only dreamed would come, has arrived. Thank you God, I am very grateful, even though I have been in hiding for a while now.