Rag-A-Muffin

I am a Rag-A-Muffin! I just finished reading the Rag-a-muffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, which is a mild stone alone. I bought the book 4 or 5 years ago, started to read it, and stopped 1/2 way through (guess it just wasn't the right time). I picked it up again in Sept, when I moved away, and was attempting to start over, but was not fully ready to let go of things. Again I read some, and then stopped. This time I picked up where I left off, and actually finished it!!!! It is a great book, as long as you are not super-spiritual, or religious, which I am not,and never really have been a fan of.

A quote from the book (there are many I would love to share, but it would be like half the book) "Louis Savary describe the brotherhood (the ragamuffin brotherhood) this way: 'Their life is full of demands from others. They seem to be living at least three lives; everyone wants a piece of them; they can't say no, yet they have no time to do what they have already said yes to...They cannot seem to find the necessary clarity and information on which to base decisions...they make a great investment in relationships and get little gratitude, feedback, or even acknowledgment from others. "Although non reciprocity is inevitable and acceptable," writes Mitchell. "it is also draining. No one can function long in a helping profession without feeling its impact"' Manning continues "The first step toward rejuvenation begins with accepting where you are and exposing your poverty, frailty, and emptiness to the love that is everything. Don't try to feel anything, think anything, or do anything. With all goodwill in the world you cannot make anything happen. Don't force prayer. Simply relax in the presence of the God you half believe in and ask for a touch of folly."

I am a Rag-A-Muffin.

I came back to California knowing it was the right thing, ready to be done with the season that life had me in. I came open-minded, and ready to get back to God. Feeling guilty and ashamed of myself I couldn't find the words to tell God I was sorry, and tell Him that I needed Him. I couldn't humble myself because I was guilty. The whispers came, He wanted me, He was waiting for me, He didn't care where I had been or what I had been doing, He just wanted me back. I began to sense Him again, I began to be aware of Him in my everyday things, I began to talk to Him again. We had a staff conference here, and I was overwhelmed by Him during worship. I had not realized how far away I had wondered, how spiritually dry I had become, but I was overwhelmed by Him. I could have stayed all night, worshiping Him, it was a relief to experience Him again, and I was still my imperfect self, He really hadn't cared where I was, He really was happy that I was back. I'm still imperfect, I still struggle with loneliness, finding my place here, and in the world at large, I still sin, but I am in communication with Him, I sense Him and feel Him, and am grateful to be back in His arms. I think I will probably live this yo-yo existence my whole life, and I am okay with it, because as Manning puts it:
"The ragamuffin who sees his life as a voyage of discovery and runs the risk of failure has a better feel for faithfulness than the timid man who hides behind the law and never finds out who he is at all. Winston Churchill said it well 'Success is never final; failure is never fatal. It is the courage that counts.'"