Hitting a God Wall

It happened the other day, I rolled out of bed, rushed around to get ready, and ran out the door, late again for Monday morning worship. The weekend was pretty good, busy, yet fun. Rushing in the morning I often forget God. So there I am standing in a room full of people, feeling crowded, over run by people, like there is no place to hide. The music is playing I am singing along to all the songs, then suddenly, I am not sure what song it was, but the words were powerful, and I felt like I hit a wall, a wall made up entirely of God. No it did not hurt, but I was, and am, broken. I found myself literally on my knees, crying, and could see the shattered pieces of me all around. They were not to be picked up and put back together, they were to be left, and walked away from. I sensed it coming but was unable to stir anything up, and then BAM I just ran into it. Anyways I poured my heart out to Him once again, in a very real way, and continued to worship, til it was over. Now the rest of the day, I really had a lot of things to do, and wanted to accomplish them all, but it was a lot squeezing stuff in, and running here and there. I have to say that things really just began to fall into place. I was able to have a conversation about an up and coming opportunity, (which I will share more on later), and I found someone to tow my favorite broken car to the shop, so some “experts” can tell me what is really wrong with it. So anyway it was a good day. I don’t really feel different on the inside, and the only thing that is different on the outside is the new zits that have added themselves to the collection on my forehead. I realize that I have been blogging my brains out lately, but it helps me to process, and I don’t actually know more than like 1.8 people who actual read this, and they usually already know what is up anyway, but it is comforting to me, there is security in not having to face someone in person, which is why I choose this method. I have felt that I really don’t have anywhere to be alone, to escape too, it is making me antys, and unsettled. I realized tonite how one seemingly innocent choice I made, resulted in throwing me far off the path that God intended for me. It has taken me months to even begin the recovery process, but it has begun now. Now I need to do everything in my power to make sure that I do not walk down this slippery slop again. I there will be situations and circumstances that could allow it to easily happen again, but I am not the look out for it this time. It also could have been some of the circumstances that caused me to run to familiar grounds, or was that driving me to other things, who knows, but once the cycle gets started it is hard to stop, but it has been stopped now. I am again entering a season of transition, but it is for the good, more on that later, good nite.