A Lass

I have not been writing because I do not have time. I love to write, it is a huge part of my life, and it makes sad that I do not have time for it. So many thoughts have swirled around in my head these last weeks, so many things have taken place. Where to begin, what is important? I have been so busy and stressed out, that it is not healthy. So I began to attempt to eliminate stress from my life. I think that I am doing well with that, but I am still busy, too busy to write and too busy to keep up with my relationships, I don’t like that.

Sometime prayers are answered in unexpected ways, at times this leads to disappointment, but sometimes it is mind-blowing. I have come to realize that a lot of my experience has led to disappointment, though in it I know that God has been there with me. This time it is a bit mind-blowing. I don’t want to bore you with all of the details, but the need for a car has been overwhelming these last few months. I had bought a car, which was a blessing, but it turned out to not be such a good car. It has spent more time being broken down then actually running. This has caused more stress than is worth even talking about, but it is sad that our culture drives us to have so much stuff in order to function. I live in a smaller city, well actually outside of the city, so using public transportation in not an option, and I have to get back and forth to work, so a car has become a need, not an option. After months of borrowing multiple peoples cars, and consistently looking for rides (there are so many that I am forever grateful for helping me out in this area), which was a stress all in itself. I began to feel like a burden to all in my life, but I had to get to work. Anyways I have said too much about this already, but I did finally buy a car that will be good to me. It is amazing how much stress has been eliminated by simply knowing that I can get up in the morning, get ready, go out, get in the car, start it (it will actually start), and I know that I can get to where I am going. God was really in the purchase of this car, it is a really nice car, nicer than I could have ever imagined, but it is nice to know that I don’t have to worry anymore. In these last weeks, a very good friend of mine, (one which I long to spend more time with), gave me her old laptop, so now I have a laptop to do all my work on. I have been praying for a laptop for years now, and finally an answer!!!! With these huge blessings in my life, and other things, there have been vast improvements in my stress level. I feel so materialistic, I do not want to be, but really these are blessings to me, and open doors so that I can continue to do what God is asking of me. Now I just need to work on managing my cram-packed schedule better, so that there is time for the things that I love, people, writing, and well sleep, not that I love to sleep, but it is something that my body demands.

Things with the conference are plugging away. I am very excited; this conference is going to be like none other. God is going to move in huge ways. As we talk and pray in our meetings, the things that are coming up are really hitting me. There are things that I need to deal with in my heart and life; they are things that God wants to deal with, not only for me, but others. I know that I am not alone in all of this; there are others who have had similar struggles.

I am entering a season of starting over, getting a fresh start, this is something that I think I have known needs to happen. Getting a fresh start means that everything will change, and change is what is happening in my life. So many changes, I did not expect, but I know that they are good changes, hard ones, but good. It is stepping out of my comfort zone, one that I did not realize just how comfortable it was. I need to cut loose from the familiar, because it is not all good for me. The lies are familiar, the responses are familiar; the things, the people they are all familiar. It is time for the unfamiliar, to get uncomfortable. Not that I have been comfortable these last several months, because I have not. The ending goal is still the same, the path to get there is unknown, truly a season of one day at a time. There are many opportunities out there, which ones will be right for me, is unknown at this time, but in time they will be revealed, of this I am sure.

The reality of being an adult and growing up has set in. I had to go buy grown up, professional clothes this last week; I cannot solely be a jeans, tank top, and flip flop girl anymore. When I think back to middle school and high school, really a time of life that I would rather not go back too, but when I think back to all the drama, all the stuff that happened, it seems so petty. While it was happening, it seemed really intense, but now I wish those were my only concerns, they would not be such a big deal. Maybe in another 10 years, all that is occurring now will not seem to be as big of a deal as it feels like right now. That is part of life process, part of the growing and evolving that must take place. Wow this has been a really long post; I guess I am making up for lost time. I hope that I did not lose you somewhere up there in the midst of my car drama. Hopefully, more to come soon.